Video Games

I actually have sort of liked baseball video games longer than I've liked baseball. Which is to say, just slightly, and more in theory than in practice. When my parents got an Apple deuce computer, one of my dad's friends gave him this whole box full of pirated games, and one of them was called like "Ultimate Realistic Baseball Simulator" which for some reason (I was and am retarted) sounded so awesome to 10-year-old me. And it was one of these games where you select the teams and press "enter" repeatedly and there's these primitive graphics and text showing you what's happening, but you don't actually do anything other than make substitutions and call for bunts. Like, no action, just statistics. Horrible. It's not at all like playing baseball, it's like watching baseball, but you can't see the awesome plays and it's not even real baseball.

But then eventually I had a Nintendo and there was that awesome softball game where one of the players was a witch and used a broom instead of a bat. And also Base Wars. Basically I liked any baseball video game aimed at the crucial gay sports fan audience.

So now that I am a baseball fan, and I own a computer, I thought I'd get a read on the current state of baseball video gaming. The first thing I found was that the most popular baseball game on the PC was something called Baseball Mogul. And so I shared it from the internet and it was exactly like the stupid Apple game. The graphics weren't even much improved! What is it with baseball fans? I have a theory about this, but I'll save it for another post. In any case, it was terrible.

And then I did some more research and found out that there are no action-oriented baseball games for the PC because the team and player info is all licensed exclusively to some company that only makes, like, Play-station games. (Which is a ridiculous business move since, duh, baseball dorks do not have Play-station, they have fucking Windows.) So the last game before that deal went down was called MVP and was for 2005, so I shared that and it's pretty cool. The mod to update the rosters to 2007 broke it, but then I reinstalled and it doesn't even matter since I don't know all those players anyway.

But yeah, it's really hard. I can swing but have never got on base (nullus), and I can pitch into the strike zone but have never gotten a strike. I don't think I've even tagged anyone out: all my outs are from when the computer team hits a fly ball and the computer moves the appropriate fielder underneath it. All the instructions I can find for the game are for the Play-station version, so they're all talking about analog sticks (nullus) and whatnot, so I have no idea what I'm doing.